Peace and Vulnerability

This is what North Texas looked like today.
Today was a great day for snow because it is Sunday. No one had to get up early and watch those mile long crawls on the news to see if school was cancelled. Inevitably, we always tune in to the news when the alphabetical listing of school closures is in the E's. We need to see the C's and D's so there we sit impatiently waiting for the loop of closures to begin again. None of that today. With the sound of sleet and freezing rain hitting the deck early this morning, we rolled over and went back to sleep until . . .ah, until . . .until . . .let's just say until much later than usual.

When we finally got up, it was absolutely beautiful outside. The few inches of snow on the ground lay perfectly undisturbed. The dogs had not been out yet so there were no little paw print trails; no cars had yet been down the road; or if they had, it was long before we got up and the tracks had already been filled in by the furiously falling snow. This morning's sights and sounds were to me what peace looks and sounds like.

We put on a pot of coffee and went to get the paper. Rarely do we have the luxury of leisurely reading the morning paper actually in the morning. As we sat down together with warm mugs of coffee and the newspaper, suddenly that sense of peace that overcame me only moments before was shaken by the cold reality of the paper's front page article recounting the horrifying details of yesterday's shooting in Arizona. Word by word, second by second, detail by detail, those feelings of peace were chiseled away. I forgot what peace felt like. I forgot what peace looked like. Peace became an imaginary land veiled by the curtain of harsh reality.

The trees in whom I had seen only beauty and serenity only moments earlier to me instantly became a picture of vulnerability.

They reminded me of all the people who were standing innocently at that grocery store yesterday. In that moment the trees didn't look peaceful; but rather cold and burdened. Literally frozen in place by what was going on around them.

In a few days, the temperatures here will rise; the sun will shine and the snow that blanketed the trees today will be gone. That cold and burdensome appearance that is reflected in the trees will disappear. For those whose lives were directly touched by the bullets that were fired in Arizona yesterday the chill will last far beyond winter's days and the burdens may last a lifetime.

I pray for a time, a place, and a people for which coldness of heart is overpowered by a warmth of spirit and an understanding of true peace.

One for the Baby Book

When your kid is twenty-one, you usually aren’t still thinking of firsts that warrant recording in one’s baby book. Many of the firsts that happen at this point in life are best left undocumented

• first week subsisting entirely on rice and beans
• first all-nighter
• first bounced check
• first time filing your own taxes
• first hangover
• first time buying beer legally
• first . . .

Then there is the first cable.

No, not cable as in TV, knitted cable.

My freshly twenty-one year old came home for Christmas break with the desire to knit her boyfriend a scarf. That, in and of itself, made me happy. I remember a time when I was talking to the girls about needing to write my will. One of them said that it was not important for me to do so because all I had were books and yarn; nobody would want that stuff. I now am comforted to know that I can leave my yarn stash to Offspring No. 1. I also know that she appreciates my healthy collection of poetry since I often have to reclaim volumes from her “nest.” Whew! One less thing to worry about.

In an effort to nurture this interest in knitting, Brooke and I sat down and looked at scarf patterns together. She already knew how to knit and purl; she wanted a pattern that would be challenging yet accomplishable and that was appropriate for a twenty-one year old man. That left out lace – challenging, but not appropriate. She decided that learning to make cables would be fun. We found a reversible cabled scarf, Here and There Cables in Interweave Knit’s ScarfSTYLE, that is a perfect first cable project and looks manly enough.

The next day, which happened to be my birthday, we took a field trip to the yarn shop to find yarn. (I probably had something in my stash that would have worked but we all know that going to the yarn shop and selecting just the right yarn for this particular project from all of the wonderful choices is a big part of the fun. I was happy to indulge her and it was a fun birthday adventure for me.) She chose a very striking deep burgundy yarn.

As soon as we got home, Brooke cast on to begin her scarf. She knit until time for the first cable row. At that point, she handed her work to me so that I could show her how to make the cables. I did the first few on the row and then handed the fledgling scarf back to her telling her that it was now her turn. I have not touched the scarf since. She had eight inches or so done before she left to return to school.

"Baby's First Cables"

It makes me happy that she both values and enjoys knitting, something that is important to me. Those of us who knit often make things for babies and children who have no context from which to appreciate the time and effort that went into whatever was made for them. After all of those booties, hats, mittens, doll clothes and sweaters, it is rewarding to see that appreciation emerge, especially in such a way as she wants to learn and develop the skill so that she too can create something for someone she cares about.

I hope that Brooke will finish her scarf before the Chicago winter has past. We discovered while she was home that Weber and her boyfriend share the same birthday. Many of the knitting projects that I have started for Weber over past Christmas holidays have not been completed until his birthday in June. Hopefully Brooke will not follow my example on this point!

As I was writing this post, I got a text message from Brooke that said, “I just joined my next ball of yarn all by myself!”

The following text message conservation ensued:

ME: Awesome! Are you enjoying knitting?
BROOKE: Yeah. I might make another scarf like this for me. A grey one.
ME: Big surprise. (Grey is her favorite color.)
Do you want me to send you yarn to match your hat? )I still have her “Christmas hat” to make. If I don’t finish it until her birthday next December, at least she will be able to wear it immediately. Just kidding; it will be done this weekend.)
BROOKE: Sure.
ME: I will get it in the mail early next week. I have not mailed the stuff you left yet. I will try to get some of it in the mail tomorrow.
BROOKE: Can you make sure that my magenta bra is in the first batch you send? It’s important.
ME: I’m not even going to ask why, but yes.
BROOKE: Proper undergarments are the fundamentals of a good outfit.
ME: I want to make sure that your fundamentals are in good array.

The end.

Whatever is going on with the magenta bra is probably one of those things that should not be included in one’s baby book or any other permanent record.

So, I will just smile and be thankful that my baby (in the magenta bra and . . .) has discovered the joy of knitting.

A (Sappy) Romp Through the Past Year

So here we are beginning a new year. A few days ago, on my birthday, I said that I was not in the mood for a sappy romp through the past. Today I have changed my mind. I am a woman; changing my mind is a woman's prerogative, isn't it? Prerogative or not, I am about to take a look back at the highlights of 2010 in my world.

The early part of the year was calm for us though Erin was in the midst of applying to colleges. It wasn't until spring break that things really got rolling. Fortunately by this time Erin had already been accepted to Sewanee so we didn't have the college worries. Though Weber and I were engaged in September of 2009, it was not until March that we got serious about making wedding plans. Due to poor planning on our part, we also began the house remodel at about the same time. Spring became a time where we learned the real benefits of effective time management as we juggled making significant decisions about house plans, muddled our way through wedding plans, and finished out the school year.

June marked the first real milestone of the year. Erin graduated from high school as valedictorian of her class. .
Brooke came home to be part of the celebration despite the fact that she could only stay the weekend because she had to return to school to take her spring quarter exams. My dad also came from Delaware to be with us.

We tried very hard not to let the wedding plans overshadow Erin's graduation. So, by the middle of June, we had one month and a lot to get done. With the help of our family and many wonderful friends, we made it.

On July 10th, Weber and I were married. The wedding was perfect.

Shortly after we returned from our honeymoon in Vermont, we added the newest member of our family, Frankie. Despite the picture below, she did not arrive in Brooke's backpack. Frankie was a stray that our vet thought we needed.

She is an entertaining addition to our lives. It is hilarious to watch her chase the dogs and once caught gnaw on their legs like one does turkey legs at the State Fair. Frankie also loves to climb into anything that resembles a container - boxes, bags, backpacks, the dryer. She is also fascinated with water - water in the sink, water in your glass, water in the shower, water in the toilet. I suspect that if she could figure out how to manipulate the handle on the commode, she would spend the day watching the swirl of water in the bowl.

In August we took Erin to Sewanee to begin her freshman year of college. Though this was the first time in nearly twenty one years that we have not had children at home, I didn't suffer too much with empty nest syndrome. Rather, I was stricken with Less Laundry Syndrome and Wow!, the Kitchen Looks Just Like It Did When I Went To Bed Syndrome.

The last major event of our year occurred on the 22nd and 23rd of December; Offspring No. 1 turned 21 and Offspring No. 2 turned 18. That is hard to believe. It seems like only yesterday that they were both sitting in my lap - at the same time. (Now they have to take turns.)

Offspring No. 1 doesn't look like this anymore though with enough beer she may act like it.

Offspring No. 2 doesn't look like this either. If only she would still let me dress her.

They graduated from lower school and middle school in the same year.

Here is what a clown looks like at 21..

And, this is Offspring No. 2 when allowed to dress herself. OK, I admit it; she is much better at hair and makeup than I am. Once you get beyond pigtails, my "cosmeticological" skills are maxed out.

I was glad to have both girls stand with me when Weber and I were married.
Our family was blessed with many joyous occasions in 2010. For that we are all incredibly grateful. We all know too many people whose lives were touched by grief and tragedy in 2010. For all that we were given and all that we were spared, our family is ever grateful.

We wish you blessings and peace in 2011.

Happy New Year!

Standing Naked

Today is my birthday. I thought about all of the things that I could write about to commemorate this occasion and then I thought again. I'm not really in the mood for one of those sappy romps through the past nor am I in the mood for a prophetic foray into the future. My solution, which may or may not be a good one, is to share a poem that I wrote a couple of weeks ago.

I don't often share my own poems here but, for whatever reason, this is how I am acknowledging my birthday.



STANDING NAKED

I sat clothed in a wardrobe of the past.
Layers of tightly woven fabric keeping the cold in
and the warmth out.
Hiding a body and spirit that had dared to live
nearly half a century.

You pleaded with me to shed my hat,
unbutton my coat, kick off my shoes.
To let you remove gently these makeshift bandages
allowing the wounds beneath
the healing breath of fresh air.
You bid me to stand naked,
to hide nothing from you and nothing from myself.

As my last garment fell to the floor,
I saw, as if magnified tenfold, the scars of life given
and life lost.
I felt fresh pain, inside and out, from punches
taken by hand and by word.

As I reached desperately for the security of my old clothes,
My flesh and soul instead were enveloped by the cloak of your words –
“You’re beautiful.”


KEB
12/16/10

Christmas 2010

t is December 26th and I have emerged from beneath the Christmas rubble into the after-Christmas haze. The empty boxes, shreds of wrapping paper and abandoned bows have all made their way to the trash, most of the gifts are resting comfortably in their new homes, and the holiday leftovers have been tucked away in the refrigerator. We tried to keep things simple and low-key, but that is not the way things looked around here yesterday. When you have seven people each giving one another just one gift you end up with 49 gifts. That’s a lot of stuff!

Those of us that did not already have iPads got them for Christmas. I wasn’t sure that I really wanted one, but it sure is a lot of fun. It may even prove to be useful and make me more productive – or at least make me appear to be doing something useful and productive. The iPads themselves were a gateway gift to many other gifts – speakers, headphones, cases, and even a few iTunes gift cards. One of the funniest iPad accessory gifts that I saw, though none of us actually received this, was the book The iPad for Dummies – The Kindle Edition. We have all managed to download Apps, books, and music just fine. I am thinking that first of all if you actually need this book and secondly if you are reading it on your Kindle, perhaps the iPad is not for you.

Though no one received The iPad for Dummies book, there were many other books, real paper ones with actual pages, that emerged from under the tree – cookbooks covering everything from good old southern cooking to vegan Italian, The Cat in the Hat in Russian, graphic novels, daily mediations, and tales of an American naturalist in Italy. Despite that fact that we all have access to ebooks, none of us has been able to give up real books.completely.

Handmade gifts were also in abundance. Erin is our queen of scrapbooking and master of Photoshop. She put her talents to use making each of us something to preserve memories from 2010. Brooke created a recipe collection especially for her sister. These two have taste buds that reside on opposite ends of the culinary spectrum so this was truly a gift of love. The recipes included ingredients such as cheese, eggs, bacon, and butter – things that Brooke does not herself cook with or eat. She did manage to sneak in one recipe that called for swiss chard or some other leafy green vegetable such as spinach – ingredients that Erin does not cook with or eat.

I did get some knitting done for this Christmas, not as much as I had hoped but more than I have managed in a long while. I made Erin an afghan for her dorm room and a pair of socks for Jason. Ok, I started the socks last year with the intention that they would be a gift for Christmas 2009. Now I realize that I had really just gotten a head start on my knitting for 2010. Despite this head start, I did fall short with what I hoped to accomplish for this year.
My goal was to knit hats for Erin, Brooke, Mike and Weber. I fell about 33% short of this. I finished the hats for Mike and Erin in plenty of time to actually wrap them and put them under the tree.

Brooke’s was under the tree; it just happened to be in the form of two unknit balls of yarn and an IOU. Weber’s was about half done and I didn’t even bother with trying to make it look gift-like. I humbly admitted that it was not done and promised that I would finish it as soon as I could. Unfortunately, the temperature is in the 20’s in Dallas right now. He could be wearing the hat if I had finished it. I figure I will have it done in a few days – when it is supposed to be 70 degrees here. This should come as no surprise to him since I finished his last pair of (wool) socks for his birthday – in June!

All in all, Weber is a good sport with regard to my poor timing with knitting projects though he did point out that he thought it was a little ironic that the bald guy got a hair (and beard) trimmer for Christmas but the hat to keep the bald head warm had no crown.
What can I say . . .

Don't tell him that using his reading glasses as a magnifying glass (like we used to do as kids to burn a whole in paper) probably won't work to keep his head warm.

Though we all had a great time giving and receiving gifts, by far the best part of Christmas was all being together laughing, doing crossword puzzles, playing with Squirmles, and eating Brooke’s homemade cinnamon rolls.

I wish you and your loved ones a blessed twelve days of Christmas.

Top Secret Mission

So why was I at the mall again this weekend? I was on a top secret mission. No, I was not looking for a Christmas gift. And no, I have not finished Christmas shopping, but yesterday was not the day for that. Despite what you may be thinking, I was not checking up on Santa to make sure he was doing what he is supposed to be doing at this time of year. My assignment was to be in the shoe department of Nordstrom Department Store at 2:15 pm. Look around. See the latest styles in boots, heels, and flats. Bask in the Christmas cheer – the lights, the decorations, and the flurry of shoppers. But remember, I’m not shopping; it just looks like I am. I’m just waiting for my cue to spring into action.

At about 2:28, the store pianist ended his rendition of “Jingle Bells” with a coda that rivaled that of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony. That was my cue, and the cue for 460 others who had been perusing the various departments of Nordstrom, to stand ready. Our mission was about to begin. We all abandoned our interest in the lovely shoes, clothing and jewelry that we had been admiring intently for the last ten minutes and readied ourselves. Then came our official call to action – the opening bars of Handel’s “Hallelujah Chorus” leaped from the piano. After four measures of introduction, the entire store was filled with the sounds of 460 people singing this wonderful piece of music. Hallelujiahs high and low and everything in between resounded around two floors of the store and I suspect the enormous sound of our combined effort even reached beyond that. The faces of the singers lit up with joy as we sang together – never having rehearsed together or met one another, in many cases, before. The faces of the unsuspecting shoppers in the store did not evidence that same look of joy. Some look stunned. Others amazed. And some looked a little pissed off that our top secret mission of the day was impeding their progress with regard to their top mission of the day - serious, really serious, shopping. Oh well . . .as they say, life is what happens while you are making plans.

What I have just described to you is a Flash Mob. And, it was the best five minutes that I have spent in a long time.

Here is a link to some rough video (taken with someone’s phone) that has been posted to YouTube. Sadly, the quality of the audio leaves a lot to be desired, but you can get the gist of what was going on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aj3c7G0Nmi8

The Dallas Morning News also carried an article this morning.

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/DN-flashmob_19met.ART.Central.Edition1.4374e3d.html

“Beware of large crowds of like-minded people!”

Hallelujah!

That's Better, Santa!

For reason I will explain in my next post, I found myself yesterday afternoon at the same mall where I spent last Saturday afternoon. What are the chances? I have lived in Dallas for twenty-seven years. In the past eight days, I have doubled the number of times I have set foot in this particular mall.

I was glad to see that with only a week until Christmas, Santa is beginning to get serious about his job. He is no longer putting off the inevitable by moonlighting as an exterior lighting designer.

(For further explanation, see the previous post.)