Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Oh D#/*! to Valentine's Day

It seems like Christmas has barely passed and here comes Saint Valentine's Day. It has sneaked up on me. I don't know why that it. It is not like Valentine's Day is a movable feast like Easter (which occurs on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox). Do you know where your Easter Bunny is?

Valentine's Day is one of those "holidays" that really does not need to happen. How many people really want to celebrate this day? Most of us are running around saying "Oh D#/*! I have not gotten the obligatory card and gift." Secretly everyone is wondering how much trouble they will be in if they ignore the day completely or maybe just wait until tomorrow when everything is 50% off. The sad truth is that most of us can't really get away with that.

I am not really sexist, but Valentine's Day shopping is so much simpler for men. The stores put those big cellophane-wrapped, heart-shaped boxes of candy at the front of the store so you can get in and out relatively painlessly (unless you wait to shop on your way home from work). The grocery stores erect those big flower tents in the parking lot. It is almost drive-thru service. "I'd like a dozen roses and a cafe mocha with an extra shot, please." Those with a little more guts may venture into the mall to the closest jewelry counter. For those who choose NONE OF THE ABOVE. There is, "I thought I would take you out for a nice dinner." Okay girls, which option would you prefer?

Chocolate is always nice but face it, how many nasty pieces come in those heart boxes? And, once you have eaten it and the caramel nougat is resting comfortably on your hips, what is he going to say?

Then there are the flowers. "I brought you flowers as a token of my undying love." Let's see . . .even if I remember to water them, they will be dead in a week or so. Is that how long love lasts?

Jewelry is okay if you dress up alot. I am not sure what kind of jewelry accessorizes jeans and T-shirts. I guess the nice lady at the counter will help him choose a piece that I am sure she will love.

If we opt for the dinner out, surely he made reservations. No? "I must tell you, sir, the wait will be 3 hours and 45 minutes."

"Oh. Can you recommend some place else that may have a shorter wait?"

"I hear that Burger King around the corner has no waiting - and you get a free crown."

The question of what to give a guy still remains. Where are all those marketing gimmicks when we need them? Do men want chocolate, flowers or jewelry?

The crown. That's it!

In all seriousness. How should we show someone that we love them? Nice music, a cup of good coffee, a little peace and quiet. Maybe the best gift is to tell them that you don't need a gift at all . . .and mean it.

Happy Valentine's Day to all.

And by the way, Easter is April 8th.