Friday, October 17, 2008

Family Bonding With Catalogs

In this world where we seem to be going paperless - email instead of handwritten notes, online bank and credit card statements, even virtual checks - why do we all still get so much junk mail? Most of the cleaning I do when I attempt to straighten things up around here is the removal of junk mail from every horizontal surface in the house. There is a lot of it. I often wonder what the success rate for junk mail is. What percentage of responders is necessary to make it worth while for the retailers to bombard our mailboxes with advertisements that clutter our minds and tables?

Unsolicited catalogs are a different story. I love to look through catalogs - Levenger, Yarn Barn, L. L. Bean, Acacia - it doesn't matter which one. Perusing catalogs provides the thrill of the chase without any real temptation to buy. Sometimes looking through catalogs allows me to come face to face with the absurd. I often find myself asking questions like "Do people really buy these things?", "Does anyone really need that?", or "Who do they think can wear that other than that model in the picture?"

That last question struck me as I sat looking at the Victoria's Secret catalog while eating a piece of fudge left from last weekend's trip to the State Fair and having just had a plate of nachos for dinner. Obviously it is not me who is going to be wearing that thong I saw in the catalog! If the truth must be known, I'll take fudge over a thong (or a thong figure) any day!

It was not so much the contents of the Victoria's Secret catalog that caught my attention, but the way it came addressed - to the Elliott Family. I am all for encouraging family values, but I don't think sitting around the dinner table and discussing the merits of the push up bra verses the full coverage bra is the best means to family bonding, though around here some interesting conversation may ensue. In a household of open minded and open mouthed girls, the potential conversation starters sparked by the catalog are endless.
  • Hey Dad, would guys rather see the wild side of a girl in a leopard print bra or the soft side in pastels?
  • It sucks that none of the cute bras come in my size! Could I have a breast reduction as a graduation present? A girl on the soccer team got one.
  • Do you think polka dots will make my rear look big?
  • Why do they call those boy shorts. I hope I never see a boy wearing them!
  • Why would any bra that comes in that size need to be padded!
  • How do I know whether I should buy the push up bra or the bra with subtle lift?
  • Do you think the lace ensemble with the garter would look funny under my rugby uniform?

Obviously all of those Republicans who advocate more family time around the dinner table do not get the Victoria's Secret catalog. Or, they don't share it with the rest of their family.

I sure do miss the Sears Christmas Wish Book!