Saturday, January 4, 2014

4/365 - 2 A Little Bit - January Self Portrait

"Here I Am"

I think that at one time or another we all struggle with our self image.  This is a place where our own reality often differs from the reality seen by those around us, those who see us as a whole person  rather than as a series of disconnected imperfections.

As a person with albinism, as one who looks different from most of society, this struggle has been extremely difficult at times.   In fact, it has taken me fifty years to get to the point where I can say that I honestly don't worry too much about this particular aspect of myself anymore.  I am who I am and that is good enough.  This is due to the amazing NOAH community.  I only wish that I discovered this awesome group of people earlier in life.

I also have lupus.  Fortunately, for the most part I have had no serious manifestations of the disease.  My body and I have an agreement with one another:  I'll do my best to take care of it - feed it what it needs to be well nourished and let it rest when it needs to rest if it will cooperate and not keep me from doing the things that I want and need to do.  So far this arrangement has worked.

Two and half years ago it was discovered that I have a benign nodule on my thyroid.  It is just there, not affecting anything one way or the other.  The only time I pay any attention to it is when I go for my yearly sonogram to check on it, which I did last week.  Though the rest of me has grown a little over the past year, the nodule has actually gotten smaller.  I don't know why or how, but that is a good thing.

So, as an attempt to be thankful for the body that carries my soul and spirit around, I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone for this first :official" self portrait of 2014.  I want to celebrate who and what I am - all of it.  This photo has pushed me creatively and emotionally.  Living beyond the confines of "the box", no matter how big or small our personal boxes may be, is what allows each of us to grow into a whole and happy human and spiritual being.  I'm doing my best to become that being.