Friday, October 23, 2015

Alone With Me

Today was just the day I needed!  It was gray and rainy.  Not cold, but that's okay.  And, I got to stay at home all day!  For most of the day I could hear the falling rain, its rhythm somewhat irregular but comforting nonetheless.  I was up early, made breakfast for Weber, wrote my morning pages, shared a few texts with friends, and then went back to bed for an hour.  The weather encouraged it.  My calendar allowed it.  And, I needed it.  It is not very often that I give myself permission to do this so today was a real gift to myself.

Brooke and I were both home today.  It seems like some days we just pass in the hall, never really having a chance to talk with each other.  As I was baking this afternoon, we had a chance to catch up and also solve many of the world's problems-if only anyone actually listened to us.  We also took care of a few other mundane tasks like thumbing through magazines and discussing the recipes that will make the cut and be included on our Thanksgiving menu.  These are important decisions!  Smoked turkey, roasted root vegetables, dressing, mashed potatoes, bacon sweet potatoes, sweet potato biscuits, and pie...lots of pie!

Once the decisions about food were made, we had a conversation about time and happiness.  We both enjoy being at home reading, or cooking, or writing.  To us, that is the "good life."  Those things are what make us happy.  That is not to say that we don't enjoy going out and having a good time, every now and then; we do,  but we also agreed that a life based solely in the need to be entertained by the external world is not for us.  Each of is content spending time alone.  I am amazed by the number of people who are made terribly uncomfortable by being in their own company.  If you don't want to spend time with you, why would anyone else?

In my solitude I listen to myself.   I talk to myself.  I assess where I am and where I want to be.  I think. I dream.  I worry.  I cry.  I laugh.  I wonder why.  I deconstruct.  I imagine.  I create.  I fill my heart with thoughts of others.  I pray.  And sometimes I just am.  My time alone equips me to be with others.  Without my alone time to to refocus and recharge, I am not a very pleasant person.  It is time to make my mind and heart right within so that I can be with others and be right with them as well.  It is time I desperately need and need and cherish.

Tomorrow is predicted to be another gray and rainy day.  And I am looking forward to it!