Who Do You Say That I Am?

I just watched a story on the news about former Olympian and six-time gold medalist Amy Van Dyken-Rouen, now paralyzed from the waist down after an ATV accident in 2014, who is upset because a lock Dallas hotel employee referred to her as "a cripple."  Cripple is apparently an offensive term.  Interestingly, nowhere in any of the reports that I have read on the incident does she ever say how she prefers to be called.

This argument over how one refers to a person’s “differences” is a hot topic in the albinism community as well.  Many people find being called an albino offensive, preferring rather to be called a “person with albinism.”  For those that prefer the latter, it is the statement that they are a person first and their albinism is of lesser consequence, that they find appealing.  In short they preferred to not be defined solely by their albinism.

Albino is a scientific term defined as “an organism exhibiting deficient pigmentation; especially a human being that  is congenitally deficient  in pigment and usually has a milky translucent skin, while or colorless hair, and eyes with pink or blue iris and deep red pupil."  We'll leave the "colorless hair part of that definition alone since I don't really know what that means.  I am fairly certain that if I put "colorless" in the blank for hair color on my DMV ID or my passport application, it would be rejected!  Colorless as a hair color option may be more appropriate for my bald husband.  If he were to shave his facial hair, his head would be bald, colorless with regard to hair.  FYI, my hair color is listed as "blonde" on all of my government documents.

Back to the original discussion...

I am an albino.  That is a non-negotiable fact.  Am I offended when someone calls me an albino?  No.  It is what it is.  Being called an albino is no different than being called a wife, a mother, a professor, or even a b...ch.  Like albino, all of those other words describe only a part of who the complete person that I call me.  Yep...I am part b...ch.  I don't get upset when my girls call me mom, or my husband calls me his wife, or my students call me professor, so why would I get upset because someone calls me an albino?  My albinism is much more obvious than my marital status or my level of education; therefore, it seems perfectly logical to me that that aspect of who I am will be the first thing noticed by a stranger.

And what does "person with albinism" mean anyway?  "A person in the state or condition of being an albino."  Really?  So people prefer to be thought of as a person in the state of being an albino rather than just being thought of as an albino.  The seems to me like splitting those colorless hairs!  If I am going to be referred to as a person "in a state," I want to be in the state of sleep, or happiness, or serious caffeination, or relaxation, or joy, or excitement, or maybe Alaska...not the state of being an albino!  I prefer to be just an albino in some other state/

I actually find being called handicapped or disables much more jarring than being called an albino.  A disability  "places restrictions on an individual' stability to participate in what is considered 'normal' in their everyday society."  Any definition that relies on the word "normal" is problematic from their get-go.  Who is qualified to define normal?  No one that I know.  I can't drive.  Is that abnormal?  No person without a state-issued driver's license can drive.  Does that make all such persons disabled?  I can knit.  I can take photos.  I can write.  I can analyze music.  I can read and write cursive handwriting.  Those are all normal things in my environment.  Does that mean that all persons who can' too those things should be considered disabled?  If we agree that all persons have unique abilities, then I think that we must also agree that all persons have unique "un-abilities," things that we have no inclination or ability to do, but that do not render us "disabled."  My abilities and un-abilities may or may not be related to me being an albino.  Why does it matter one way or the other?

And then there is handicapped..."having a condition that markedly restrict's one's ability to function physically, mentally, or socially."  Socially?  My abilities to function socially may be restricted, but that has nothing to do with me being an albino.  It is to do with the fact that some people just get on my nerves.  That would happen regardless of my pale skin, colorless hair, and eyes with pink or blue iris and deep red pupils.  Perhaps this is due to the b...ch part of me.  I may navigate the world differently than those of you who are not albinos, and probably those of you who are too, but I do navigate it...perhaps even more efficiently than some with green or brown eyes and colored hair.  To do things differently should not be what earns me, or anyone else, the label of handicapped.  I prefer to think of myself as a problem solver or creative thinker, not as a handicapped individual.

I am still left with the question of how Amy Van Dyken-Rouer would like the world to recognize the fact that she is confined to a wheelchair.  She find cripple...a person who is unable to use one or more limbs, offensive.  Is paraplegic...a person whose lower limbs are paralyzed due to disease or spinal injury...more acceptable?  Since her devastating incident at the Texas hotel in which she was called "a cripple" occurred while a hotel employee was assisting her to her room, is she comfortable with being called disabled or handicapped?  How are strangers supposed to know what an individual's personal "hot button" may be?

There are always going to be people in the world who say things just to be mean and insulting.  Such persons can call me an albino or a person with albinism and their tone and the context of the words can be equally insulting and painful.  I firmly believe, however, that the majority of people who use a word or description that may be construed as offensive by some, do so unknowingly and unintentionally.  They simply just don't know what to say.  For those of us that are wheelchair bound, or deaf, or blind, or autistic, or albinos ( and our family and friends), the one thing that we can do to help the world grow in understanding, respect, and compassion for us us to use what could be negative circumstances, such as the one in which Amy Van Dyken-Rouen found herself, to educate those with whom our paths cross.  Is this always easy?  No!  Is it always effective?  Most certainly not!  Is it worth the effort to try?  Most certainly, yes!  If we can change the perception of one or two people, that is one or two people who will show compassion towards others and that will lead to a better world for all of us.

Friends With Faces

I wrote this post on Friday June 3.  I was writing on my phone and on a plane.  I intended to post it here, bust somehow managed to post it to Facebook only.  The Blogger phone apps are not the greatest.  So, many of you may have already read this.

Since I first heard about online dating, I was a skeptic.  How could you possibly get to know, really know, someone online?  How do you know they are who and what they say they are?  I've always relied heavily on vocal inflection and body language to help me really understand what a person says and what they mean when we are speaking.  Somehow emoticons and LMAOs are just not the same thing.  I admit that I had a less than favorable opinion of those who "gave in" to online dating rather than engaging in real interactions with real people.

We all know that there are those who will say ANYTHING online because, in their heads, they have diminished, or even totally ignored, the fact that their is another human being on the other end of their Internet fiction and/or garbage.  The fact that someone may be seriously hurt by words posted online does not cross the minds of some.  And then there is the opposite game those who seem to be sweet as sugar, easily winning over the trust of the person on the receiving end of their words, making that person vulnerable.  In either case someone often gets hurt.

Yet dating sites abound.  I know many who have disappointed and taken advantage of;however, I also know of a significant number of people who have indeed met their one true love online.  I am trying to be open minded, knowing that this manner of "dating" may not be my cup of tea, but that for others it has been the path that has led them to s cup that runneth over.

Why bring this up now?

I find myself feeling a bit like a hypocrite.  No!  I have not signed up for match.com.  But I realized that a person that I consider to be a very close friend, perhaps my closest female friend, I met online.  And despite the fact that we have never met face to face, or even talked on the phone, yet we have trusted one another with our fears, failures, hopes, and dreams as well as the simple triumphs and irritations of everyday life.  Is this not kind of how things work on those dating sites?  The thing is, I have never questioned whether our friendship is anything different than what I perceive it to be.  I fully believe that when Tracey and I do meet one another "for real," that she will be exactly the same person that I have communicated with via email and text messages for over a year.

And as I write this, I am 32,000 feet up in the air flying from Dallas to Virginia to spend tomorrow  with four women and their families.  Again, we met online.  Our communication has been through Facebook messages and, as is the case with Tracey, through sharing photographs, specifically a photo a day for a couple of years.  I do feel like I know all of these women...and their spouses, children, dogs and cats.  Again, when we actually gather tomorrow to share a day of talking and taking photos, I don't expect that it will feel the anxiety of being in a group of people that I don't know.  Again, how much different is this scenario than that couple who meets on match.com?

I am grateful for these object lessons that knock my judgmental self on my rear and show me the beauty and joy of friendship.

And should I ever need match.com..,,

Diner Dinner Night

The proverbial "they" say that we take, not make, time for those things that are truly important to us.  I am guilty of saying quite often that I don't have time for this or that when the reality is that I don't take the time for those things.  Consciously or subconsciously what I am saying with my choices is that those things for which "I don't have time" are not priorities in my life.  When I think about those slighted things, sometimes I can say that, yes in indeed, they are not a priority.  In other instances, however, I come face to face with the realization that my life is out of balance.

One thing that we almost always take time for is "Diner Dinner Night" on Thursdays.  It is a endlessly recurring event on all of our calendars.  We meet our best friends at our local greasy spoon diner, share a meal, and catch up on the goings on in each other's lives.

Some nights we are in and out in an hour and others we sit and chat for several hours.  Those longer visits are great because they usually include dessert!  The food is typical diner food - burgers, all-day breakfast, chicken fried anything, and good old home cookin' vegetables and awesome desserts.  The ambiance is typical old fashioned diner ambiance.

Our Thursday evenings really are about neither the food nor the ambiance.  They are about the company.  They are about friendship.

It's funny to me that this sign greets us on our way in.

No.  We don't have reservations: yet if we miss a night or if one of our group is missing, the staff notices and asks if everyone is good.  We no longer have to order our beverages.  We sit down at our favorite table and the server, whomever it happens to be that evening, arrives shortly with our drinks.  We aren't quite as predictable with our food orders.  Despite the large number of diner dinner nights that we have had, we all still peruse the menu each week.  It has never changed, but we always look, just in case.

Tonight was definitely an instance of taking time for dinner together rather than having it.  We are all traveling tomorrow.  Our friends are flying out west for a family wedding and we are flying east for a fun weekend.  If we were all honest, I suspect that we all would have agreed that we didn't really have time for dinner together this week.  Between finishing up the work week and packing, we each had many other things that were probably higher priorities than diner dinner night.  That didn't seem to matter.  We took the time.

We met.  We ate.  We shared the goings on of our week so far.  We wished each other safe travels and happy travels.  An hour later we headed our separate ways to finish all those tasks still left on our various to-do lists.

And our parting words were, "See you next week."

And Here It Is June...

So what have I learned lately?

My desire to do is greater than my ability to do.

My intention, once school was out was to write more.  I have done that...just not here, which was not the plan.  I thought that I could keep up here, with my regular Pixels, Plates, and LOLs posts, and writing every day for Blueper B...oh, and a photo a day for him and for me.  Then there was stuff like preparing meals, and laundry, and a little (very little) vacuuming and dusting.

Let's just say that during the month of May, I learned the limits my mental capacity.

Weber and I bought our friend Blueper B when we were in Delaware during my dad's illness.

I guess you could say that he was a silly diversion from all of the sadness and seriousness that was going on. He travels and he tells the story of his adventures in words, sometimes mixed up words, and pictures on his own blog.  I vowed that during the month of May I would help him write a post every day.  I fulfilled that promise, but at the expense of writing here.  Looking back, I am really okay with that.  Weber and I had fun with Blueper B's everyday posts.  If I am to be totally honest, I was a bit sad when I helped him write his last post of his Month of Me yesterday.

If you are interested, here is Blueper B's blog.

He will continue to write regularly, but regularly will not be every day.

Now that I know that I can only write so much, and three regular blogs is too much, my writing attention for June will be back here in my own voice.  I suppose if I were a little more disciplined I could manage all three, but I'm not right now.  Maybe I will get there.

The biggest thing happening in my world this month is that Weber is retiring after twenty-five years of teaching.

As of right now, his plan is to be a house husband.  I am perfectly okay with that as I am not retiring.  It will be a bit of a role reversal for both of us as he has worked for the last forty plus years and although I have worked, I have also been the one primarily responsible for household chores for all of my adult life.  I suspect that I can get used to getting up to my breakfast being made and coming home to my clean laundry.  The furry kids are looking forward to having him home all day too.

It's funny...once people hear that he is retiring, the first thing they ask is if we are going to travel.  We are traveling quite a bit this summer, but that has nothing to do with his retirement; it is just the way things worked out.  We won't be taking any long trips during the school year since I'm still teaching; however, I don't teach on Fridays so we will have the ability to take some long weekend trips.  And, my semester breaks are longer than his were so much of January is time that we will have off together.

It is a new chapter to which we are both looking forward.  He just needs to get through the next two days, through the last last day of school!

Optimist or Pessimist: Your Choice

There was a time in my life when I was indeed the pessimist.  Not anymore.  That is a tough existence!

This photo is the result of camera settings that were totally wrong.  But, it worked for today's photo prompts around fastener and blue.  Let's just say it ended up being a happy accident!

I had three finals to write tonight and another set to grade.  Even after many years of practice, I am still terrible at multi-tasking so in trying to get my photo of the day done in between all of my school tasks, I failed to check my camera settings before taking this photo.  This is the result.  Its got a character of its own; that character, however, is not what I originally set out to capture!

Four more days of this semester and then I shouldn't have to multi-task like this until August!

Me on Mother's Day

A nice and calm Mother's Day today...Offspring No. 2 and her significant other took me out to lunch after church.  Then we, the mamas of four-legged fur babies went shopping for them.  When I got home I took a few photos, played with the dogs, and wrote a final exam.  It was an OK day.

Another End

Today was the final class day of this semester. By this time next week, final exams will be over and another academic year will have come to an end.  I will have completed year twenty-five in the same teaching position.

The music theory sequence is a minimum of four semesters of paired courses; it can be five if a student comes in needing to make up a deficiency.  Of those five courses, I teach four of them, all but the first (or second).  So by the time I have had the same students for three consecutive semesters in two courses each semester, I know them well, and I have a genuine interest in their lives beyond my classes.  Of those completing the sequence this semester, some have auditioned at four year universities and are excited to take the next step in their education, some are experiencing disappointment because they were not accepted to the school of their choice, and some are questioning whether or not they want to continue on in music or choose another career path.  Whatever the case, it has been my job and my privilege to serve each one of them - to teach them, guide them, and support them along the way as they prepare for whatever their next step may be.

I am grateful that I teach so many courses in this sequence.  Although I am bidding farewell to my class of music theory IV students, I will see those students who have been in Music Theory II and III again next fall.  Knowing that I have a group of returning students makes it a little easier to say goodbye to those who are moving on.

Another consolation is that those students who left last spring have completed their first year in a four year institution.  They are now coming back or sending emails sharing their successes and excitement surrounding their academic achievements.  That students take the time to stop by or write an email sharing with me how they are doing lets me know that they were aware of my genuine care and concern for them while they were in my classes.  In case you are wondering...yes, there are some that I never hear from again once they hand me the final exam.  With a very few, that's OK. I wish them well, but that's it.

I will spend my weekend writing final exams and finalizing grades, enduring the stress that the end of every semester brings.  Next Thursday night I will play for commencement.  And Friday, summer vacation begins.  Just as the semesters seem to fly by, so will the summer.  Before I know it, August will be here and my year twenty-six will begin.  A whole new group of students will come and I will have the opportunity to get to know them, perhaps touch their lives in a meaningful way, and then send them on as well.  The cycle of the academic life.