IF "Less is more." AND "Size matters."
THEN The fewer the merrier.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Church or State
*NOTE It is pure coincidence (or maybe not . . . see my post from August 8, 2008 ) that this post immediately follows my January 7th post on making decisions.
Weber and I are now engaged (actually we have been since September 5th) and are planning our wedding. One of the first decisions to be made was whether we wanted a secular or a sacred wedding. Many people avoid the pomp, circumstance, and expense of a formal church wedding when the marriage is a second for one or both parties as is the case with us. However, for reasons that are deeply personal and that we have discussed and prayed about at length, we decided that because it was God’s love and grace that brought us together and the same that will nourish and sustain us in our life to come, we want to make our commitment to each other and to God in The Church.
Our first step in this process was to approach our rector. He gave us our parish’s “Wedding Guide.” It resembles one of those manuals that comes with your TV and that you really have no desire to read but must if you want anything to work in your favor. We read it, but whether anything is working in our favor is up for debate.
Our second step was a meeting with our vicar. I have yet to figure out what the real purpose of this meeting was other than to tell us that our next next step was to is to seek pre-marital counseling. My first marriage was in the Episcopal Church. We received the requisite counseling from the priest who would be officiating at our wedding. Despite the fact that my first marriage ended, I honestly believe that we entered into it seriously and believed that the counseling was thorough.
Weber and I assumed that we would receive our counseling from a priest as well. Not so. Much to our surprise, our clergy does not offer such counseling; they “refer’ us out to a secular therapist. We made a prayerful decision to make our commitment to one another through the sacrament of holy matrimony. It is upsetting that our church and our clergy do not seem to be taking our commitment to one another and to God as seriously as we are.
I know that young couples who have no experience sharing a life with another human being can benefit from secular counseling with regard to practical matters such as communication skills, dealing with in-laws, philosophies on child-rearing, gender roles in the relationship, and money. I am nearly fifty years old. I have a grasp on these things. And, many of them don’t pertain to us. We have exactly one family member between us. We are both only children and the only parent either of has living is my dad. Should we have to deal with child-rearing issues, ours will be truly a religious experience – or the making of a lawsuit, which would take care of any money issues.
Because our church does not seem to recognize how strongly we feel about our desire for our pre-marital counseling to be spiritually based and is requiring us to see a secular counselor to address “our issues”, we have used our communication skills that the clergy thinks that we are lacking to make a list of things to discuss during our time with a counselor.
These are the things we have come up with:
• Paper or plastic
• Rough cut or quick
• Vista or Windows 7
• Boxers or briefs
• Time or Newsweek
• 1-ply or 2
• Cotton or nylon
• Gas or electric
• iTunes or eMusic
• Morning or Evening
• Blended or fruit on the bottom
• White or wheat
• Times or Arial
• Scented or unscented
• French or Spanish
• Tassimo or Keurig
• Side by side or top and bottom
• 200 or 400 count
• Hard or soft
• East or west
• Church or state
At $90 an hour, I’m not sure how many hours we can spend dealing with these burning issues, but I will keep you posted on how a professional deals with such things.
Weber and I are now engaged (actually we have been since September 5th) and are planning our wedding. One of the first decisions to be made was whether we wanted a secular or a sacred wedding. Many people avoid the pomp, circumstance, and expense of a formal church wedding when the marriage is a second for one or both parties as is the case with us. However, for reasons that are deeply personal and that we have discussed and prayed about at length, we decided that because it was God’s love and grace that brought us together and the same that will nourish and sustain us in our life to come, we want to make our commitment to each other and to God in The Church.
Our first step in this process was to approach our rector. He gave us our parish’s “Wedding Guide.” It resembles one of those manuals that comes with your TV and that you really have no desire to read but must if you want anything to work in your favor. We read it, but whether anything is working in our favor is up for debate.
Our second step was a meeting with our vicar. I have yet to figure out what the real purpose of this meeting was other than to tell us that our next next step was to is to seek pre-marital counseling. My first marriage was in the Episcopal Church. We received the requisite counseling from the priest who would be officiating at our wedding. Despite the fact that my first marriage ended, I honestly believe that we entered into it seriously and believed that the counseling was thorough.
Weber and I assumed that we would receive our counseling from a priest as well. Not so. Much to our surprise, our clergy does not offer such counseling; they “refer’ us out to a secular therapist. We made a prayerful decision to make our commitment to one another through the sacrament of holy matrimony. It is upsetting that our church and our clergy do not seem to be taking our commitment to one another and to God as seriously as we are.
I know that young couples who have no experience sharing a life with another human being can benefit from secular counseling with regard to practical matters such as communication skills, dealing with in-laws, philosophies on child-rearing, gender roles in the relationship, and money. I am nearly fifty years old. I have a grasp on these things. And, many of them don’t pertain to us. We have exactly one family member between us. We are both only children and the only parent either of has living is my dad. Should we have to deal with child-rearing issues, ours will be truly a religious experience – or the making of a lawsuit, which would take care of any money issues.
Because our church does not seem to recognize how strongly we feel about our desire for our pre-marital counseling to be spiritually based and is requiring us to see a secular counselor to address “our issues”, we have used our communication skills that the clergy thinks that we are lacking to make a list of things to discuss during our time with a counselor.
These are the things we have come up with:
• Paper or plastic
• Rough cut or quick
• Vista or Windows 7
• Boxers or briefs
• Time or Newsweek
• 1-ply or 2
• Cotton or nylon
• Gas or electric
• iTunes or eMusic
• Morning or Evening
• Blended or fruit on the bottom
• White or wheat
• Times or Arial
• Scented or unscented
• French or Spanish
• Tassimo or Keurig
• Side by side or top and bottom
• 200 or 400 count
• Hard or soft
• East or west
• Church or state
At $90 an hour, I’m not sure how many hours we can spend dealing with these burning issues, but I will keep you posted on how a professional deals with such things.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions
The process of decision making is on my mind today. This is probably because this morning at 5:10 am the phone rang. When I answered I heard a recorded message from our school district saying that classes were cancelled today due to inclement weather. Really? I wandered over to the door, stepping over dogs who thought it was too early to be awake whether there was school or not. The instant I opened the door, the frigid air from the arctic air that made its way into North Texas last night greeted me. It was definitely cold, 20 degrees with a wind chill around 5 degrees, but other than that I could not see any real “inclement weather.” Like many other parents who had awakened to the early morning call that gave their kids a day to sleep in, we turned on the TV to see what was really going on.
The story seems to be that about 4 am this morning a light mist began falling in our area. Because it is so cold here, the moisture immediately froze creating a thin layer of solid ice on the roads. Faced with this overnight development, school administrators had to make a relatively quick decision with regard to school today. This decision is made based on the safety of running the school buses, and in today’s case, it was decided that it would be hazardous to run the buses this morning. Several surrounding school districts made the same decision. The one in which Weber teaches was not one of them. We watched the continual list of school closures scroll across the bottom of the TV screen as the local media showed video footage of accidents all over the major highways in the area. Weber decided to leave for school quite a bit earlier than usual to allow himself plenty of time to navigate the seemingly difficult roadways. After sitting in the car listening to more news and traffic reports for twenty minutes while waiting for the windshield to defrost, which it never did, he made the decision to call school and tell them that he would be late. This was not an easy decision for him just as I’m sure the decision to close schools in Denton was not easy for those who had to make it.
What is it that happens when we make decisions? What is it that makes a decision easy? Or hard? What is a good decision or a bad decision? A right decision or a wrong decision?
Making a decision usually involves weighing the pros and cons of one choice over another. The best decision is assumed to be the one that has the most pros. This seems like a fairly simple process. So why do we talk about something being an easy decision or a hard decision? I don’t think that the difficulty comes in making a decision once the pros and cons are listed, but in many situations it is hard to identify what the pros and cons really are. In determining both pros and cons, both the short term and the long term effects must be considered. With regard to these effects, we must also realize that something may be a pro for one group of people and a con for another. The decision becomes difficult when someone must decide which group’s interest is more important. And thus, the potential exists for a decision to be perceived as both good and bad simultaneously.. A decision seems easy when you are only able to see one side, one perspective in a situation. If you have the ability to look at something from many different angles, identifying pros and cons becomes more difficult. In the end, the judgment as to whether a decision was either good or bad often can’t really be made. Sometimes things simply are what they are based on what was known and thought at the time the decision was made. External situations to the original decision-making process may change one’s long term perception as to whether a decision was either good or bad. Remember the whole WMD scandal!
Was it a good decision to cancel school this morning? If the decision was based on trying to avoid children being injured because buses would have trouble on the roads, then the right decision was made. If you are the parent of a child who can’t stay home alone and you still have to be at work today then you probably think the wrong decision was made. If you are a high school student who at 9:30 is still in bed, with permission, on a school day, then you probably think that the right decision was made. If you are that same high school student who is not in bed on the Monday after Easter, which should be a holiday, because you are making up today’s snow day, you may rethink whether today’s decision was a good one. There is that long term effect that I mentioned.
Weber left an hour and half later than usual and had no problems at all getting to school. Was it a good or a bad decision to leave late? In that hour an half difference, the precipitation stopped, the wind blew constantly at 30 mph drying the roads, the sun came up, and those that had no choice about being on the roads early had worn much of the ice away. He arrived at school late but without any problems so his was probably a good decision – unless the teacher who had his class for the first part of the morning is found tied to a chair or stuffed in a locker. Then, the whole issue of it being a good or bad decision may be up for debate.
If decision-making is given the attention it deserves, no decision is ever really easy. If it were easy, there would not be a decision. You would have simply made a choice. When faced with making a decision, give it the time and energy it deserves. And before you criticize the decisions of others, put yourself in their shoes. It is easy to “make a decision” when you are not the one who will carry the burden of its consequences.
The story seems to be that about 4 am this morning a light mist began falling in our area. Because it is so cold here, the moisture immediately froze creating a thin layer of solid ice on the roads. Faced with this overnight development, school administrators had to make a relatively quick decision with regard to school today. This decision is made based on the safety of running the school buses, and in today’s case, it was decided that it would be hazardous to run the buses this morning. Several surrounding school districts made the same decision. The one in which Weber teaches was not one of them. We watched the continual list of school closures scroll across the bottom of the TV screen as the local media showed video footage of accidents all over the major highways in the area. Weber decided to leave for school quite a bit earlier than usual to allow himself plenty of time to navigate the seemingly difficult roadways. After sitting in the car listening to more news and traffic reports for twenty minutes while waiting for the windshield to defrost, which it never did, he made the decision to call school and tell them that he would be late. This was not an easy decision for him just as I’m sure the decision to close schools in Denton was not easy for those who had to make it.
What is it that happens when we make decisions? What is it that makes a decision easy? Or hard? What is a good decision or a bad decision? A right decision or a wrong decision?
Making a decision usually involves weighing the pros and cons of one choice over another. The best decision is assumed to be the one that has the most pros. This seems like a fairly simple process. So why do we talk about something being an easy decision or a hard decision? I don’t think that the difficulty comes in making a decision once the pros and cons are listed, but in many situations it is hard to identify what the pros and cons really are. In determining both pros and cons, both the short term and the long term effects must be considered. With regard to these effects, we must also realize that something may be a pro for one group of people and a con for another. The decision becomes difficult when someone must decide which group’s interest is more important. And thus, the potential exists for a decision to be perceived as both good and bad simultaneously.. A decision seems easy when you are only able to see one side, one perspective in a situation. If you have the ability to look at something from many different angles, identifying pros and cons becomes more difficult. In the end, the judgment as to whether a decision was either good or bad often can’t really be made. Sometimes things simply are what they are based on what was known and thought at the time the decision was made. External situations to the original decision-making process may change one’s long term perception as to whether a decision was either good or bad. Remember the whole WMD scandal!
Was it a good decision to cancel school this morning? If the decision was based on trying to avoid children being injured because buses would have trouble on the roads, then the right decision was made. If you are the parent of a child who can’t stay home alone and you still have to be at work today then you probably think the wrong decision was made. If you are a high school student who at 9:30 is still in bed, with permission, on a school day, then you probably think that the right decision was made. If you are that same high school student who is not in bed on the Monday after Easter, which should be a holiday, because you are making up today’s snow day, you may rethink whether today’s decision was a good one. There is that long term effect that I mentioned.
Weber left an hour and half later than usual and had no problems at all getting to school. Was it a good or a bad decision to leave late? In that hour an half difference, the precipitation stopped, the wind blew constantly at 30 mph drying the roads, the sun came up, and those that had no choice about being on the roads early had worn much of the ice away. He arrived at school late but without any problems so his was probably a good decision – unless the teacher who had his class for the first part of the morning is found tied to a chair or stuffed in a locker. Then, the whole issue of it being a good or bad decision may be up for debate.
If decision-making is given the attention it deserves, no decision is ever really easy. If it were easy, there would not be a decision. You would have simply made a choice. When faced with making a decision, give it the time and energy it deserves. And before you criticize the decisions of others, put yourself in their shoes. It is easy to “make a decision” when you are not the one who will carry the burden of its consequences.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Wonderless or Wonderful???
Several people have called today to wish me a happy new year. As might be expected, they also inquired as to how I spent New Year’s Eve. What did I do to usher in 2010? I can say, without regret, that we had a quiet and wonderful night at home. I had tentative plans for a really big bottle of white zinfandel that my friends who love me (and know me too well) gave me for my birthday, but it is still in the refrigerator – unopened.
So what did I do? Weber, Brooke and I were the only ones home. I made turkey jambalaya with the last remaining bits of smoked turkey from Christmas. Weber and I ate that. Brooke made pasta with edemame pesto and a hazelnut pound cake. I had a slice of the four layer chocolate cake that my friends who love and know me so well also gave me for my birthday. After this wondrous feast, I sat down at the computer and logged on to pay my Christmas shopping credit card bill that is not even due for twenty eight days. What better way to start 2010 than debt free! As the ball fell in Times Square, we were all sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, in much the same way we do every night. As you read this, I’m sure you are thinking how could that possibly have been a wonderful night!!!
This morning I read the following in a book of daily meditations: “Wonderful things are especially wonderful the first time they happen, but their wonderfulness wanes with repetition.” No one will argue that there is probably some truth in this statement. Why is this? Why do things, or events, or even people that we perceived as awesome when we first encountered them lose their appeal over time? Do they really change? Or, do we become bored? Do we have unrealistic expectations?
I suspect that in most cases our expectations play a much bigger part in the perception and outcome of a situation than does reality itself. This is the crux of the question of whether you see the glass as half empty or half full. The reality here is that there exists a glass that contains half of its potential volume. Our perception as to whether it is half empty or half full carries with it all of the meaning of the situation as we perceive it. Describing the glass as half empty implies that the contents of the glass are diminishing. Following that current trend will eventually lead to a completely empty glass - a standard that most would consider to be a negative outcome. On the contrary, half full implies an upward trend toward fullness and thus a positive outcome. It is repeated encounters with the glass that confirm whether the glass was initially half empty or half full.
Our own perception also determines whether the statement above is true. Many things are wonderful the first time. Last year, Weber and I spent our first New Year’s Eve together. We attended a black tie affair with an open bar, a catered meal, and a live DJ. This year we sat at the kitchen table in our blue jeans drinking coffee with one crazy friend. Though very different than New Year’s Eve last year, this year was equally as wonderful. It would have been easy to say at this time last year that it doesn’t get any better than New Year’s Eve 2008. Doing so would have been admitting that our glass was half empty, that we had already experienced the best of the best. It’s not and we didn’t. I have no idea how we will spend future New Year’s Eves, but I have to believe that each, as it gives us memories of times past and hopes for times yet to come, will be at least as wonder-full as the last. Perhaps one that is wonder-fuller will even come along. As long as I am able to live in the present, to see and celebrate the simple, and to embrace the beauty of the sacred in the mundane, I will never cease to experience awe and wonder. Every day is a new day. Every smile is a new smile. Every cup of coffee is a new cup of coffee. Each brings with it the possibility to be awestruck and wonder-filled.
My wish is that we can all move into the new year with open eyes, open minds, and open hearts so that wonder will never cease to be.
So what did I do? Weber, Brooke and I were the only ones home. I made turkey jambalaya with the last remaining bits of smoked turkey from Christmas. Weber and I ate that. Brooke made pasta with edemame pesto and a hazelnut pound cake. I had a slice of the four layer chocolate cake that my friends who love and know me so well also gave me for my birthday. After this wondrous feast, I sat down at the computer and logged on to pay my Christmas shopping credit card bill that is not even due for twenty eight days. What better way to start 2010 than debt free! As the ball fell in Times Square, we were all sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, in much the same way we do every night. As you read this, I’m sure you are thinking how could that possibly have been a wonderful night!!!
This morning I read the following in a book of daily meditations: “Wonderful things are especially wonderful the first time they happen, but their wonderfulness wanes with repetition.” No one will argue that there is probably some truth in this statement. Why is this? Why do things, or events, or even people that we perceived as awesome when we first encountered them lose their appeal over time? Do they really change? Or, do we become bored? Do we have unrealistic expectations?
I suspect that in most cases our expectations play a much bigger part in the perception and outcome of a situation than does reality itself. This is the crux of the question of whether you see the glass as half empty or half full. The reality here is that there exists a glass that contains half of its potential volume. Our perception as to whether it is half empty or half full carries with it all of the meaning of the situation as we perceive it. Describing the glass as half empty implies that the contents of the glass are diminishing. Following that current trend will eventually lead to a completely empty glass - a standard that most would consider to be a negative outcome. On the contrary, half full implies an upward trend toward fullness and thus a positive outcome. It is repeated encounters with the glass that confirm whether the glass was initially half empty or half full.
Our own perception also determines whether the statement above is true. Many things are wonderful the first time. Last year, Weber and I spent our first New Year’s Eve together. We attended a black tie affair with an open bar, a catered meal, and a live DJ. This year we sat at the kitchen table in our blue jeans drinking coffee with one crazy friend. Though very different than New Year’s Eve last year, this year was equally as wonderful. It would have been easy to say at this time last year that it doesn’t get any better than New Year’s Eve 2008. Doing so would have been admitting that our glass was half empty, that we had already experienced the best of the best. It’s not and we didn’t. I have no idea how we will spend future New Year’s Eves, but I have to believe that each, as it gives us memories of times past and hopes for times yet to come, will be at least as wonder-full as the last. Perhaps one that is wonder-fuller will even come along. As long as I am able to live in the present, to see and celebrate the simple, and to embrace the beauty of the sacred in the mundane, I will never cease to experience awe and wonder. Every day is a new day. Every smile is a new smile. Every cup of coffee is a new cup of coffee. Each brings with it the possibility to be awestruck and wonder-filled.
My wish is that we can all move into the new year with open eyes, open minds, and open hearts so that wonder will never cease to be.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year!
Though this picture was taken on the streets of Assisi, Italy last March, the sentiment expressed is fitting as we begin a new year. We wish you and your loved ones, "Peace and all good" in the coming year.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
If You're Happy and You Know It . . .
Monday was my 48th birthday. One of my first encounters of the day was with my beloved Offspring No. 2. She met me in the hall and said, "Now you're old. Happy Birthday." I said that I would just add "old" to the list of other descriptors I can use for myself - fat, dumb, happy . . .and now old. Offspring No. 2 said that she would agree with two of those and I could choose which two. Without a doubt, I know that I am happy. Knowing that happy is one of them makes the second one inconsequential. True happiness makes everything else bearable.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Seeing Red
On Christmas Eve day, before the blizzard that gave North Texas its first white Christmas in eighty three years hit, Erin and I were walking through the china department of Dillards department store. Though the store employees were obviously preparing for the after Christmas sales and the decimation of the 2009 Christmas season, the tables in this section of the store were still adorned with red holiday tablecloths, silk flower arrangements embellished with spray painted gold pinecones, and fancy Christmas-patterned china. Erin asked why people spend all that money on dinnerware that can only be used once a year. After internally patting myself on the back for having raised a practical minded child (at least in this instance) I told her that I supposed that it was people who did a great deal of entertaining and who had disposable income that indulged in such things. Needless to say, we don’t have Christmas china. However, we do have festive dishes that can be used on Christmas. I know what you are thinking. No, they are not paper plates with cheerful snowmen. They are real plates; the kind that can be put in the dishwasher without disintegrating. Our “Christmas” plates are white with a simple band of red around the outer edge.
In December, these plates definitely pass as Christmassy, especially if they are accompanied by paper napkins with those cheerful snowmen mentioned earlier. But, red is much more versatile than just as a Christmas color. When used on a table set for two with a vase of red roses in the center and napkins that now sport hearts rather than snowmen, these dishes can be transformed to Valentine’s Day tableware. Remove the hearts and flowers and add a few stars and a little blue to your table and they are perfect for a patriotic 4th of July celebration, or possibly even Flag Day. They can also be used for a family meal on the Day of Pentecost, a day whose liturgical color is red. Others may find the red plates appropriate for use on their wedding anniversary. With a little creativity, the possible uses for red dinnerware are numerous. Does any other color offer such potential?
Orange – Halloween, Thanksgiving, National Orange Juice Day, The Autumnal Equinox,
Yellow – The summer solstice, a gathering of the International Saffron Society, Big Bird’s birthday party
Green – St. Patrick’s Day, Pay Day, Pickle Pride Day, Arbor Day
Purple – The forty days of Lent, Tinky Winky’s birthday
Blue – As far as I am concerned, blue can and should be used every day. For those of you who have no test and prefer another color for your everyday tableware, blue can be used for Hanukah, the winter solstice, Smurf Day
What you eat tells a lot about you. What color dishes you eat from may also reveal more than you think about what is important to you. Are you willing to break out the fine green china to celebrate Green Thumb Day? Or the yellow on School Bus Driver’s Day? Or blue to honor those events that happen only once in a blue moon? If you are looking for an occasion to use your blue dishes, we will experience an actual blue moon on Thursday of this week, the first since June of 2007. (A blue moon is a second full moon to occur in a calendar month.
Perhaps What Color Is Your Plate will be a bestselling sequel to the ever popular book What Color Is Your Parachute?
In December, these plates definitely pass as Christmassy, especially if they are accompanied by paper napkins with those cheerful snowmen mentioned earlier. But, red is much more versatile than just as a Christmas color. When used on a table set for two with a vase of red roses in the center and napkins that now sport hearts rather than snowmen, these dishes can be transformed to Valentine’s Day tableware. Remove the hearts and flowers and add a few stars and a little blue to your table and they are perfect for a patriotic 4th of July celebration, or possibly even Flag Day. They can also be used for a family meal on the Day of Pentecost, a day whose liturgical color is red. Others may find the red plates appropriate for use on their wedding anniversary. With a little creativity, the possible uses for red dinnerware are numerous. Does any other color offer such potential?
Orange – Halloween, Thanksgiving, National Orange Juice Day, The Autumnal Equinox,
Yellow – The summer solstice, a gathering of the International Saffron Society, Big Bird’s birthday party
Green – St. Patrick’s Day, Pay Day, Pickle Pride Day, Arbor Day
Purple – The forty days of Lent, Tinky Winky’s birthday
Blue – As far as I am concerned, blue can and should be used every day. For those of you who have no test and prefer another color for your everyday tableware, blue can be used for Hanukah, the winter solstice, Smurf Day
What you eat tells a lot about you. What color dishes you eat from may also reveal more than you think about what is important to you. Are you willing to break out the fine green china to celebrate Green Thumb Day? Or the yellow on School Bus Driver’s Day? Or blue to honor those events that happen only once in a blue moon? If you are looking for an occasion to use your blue dishes, we will experience an actual blue moon on Thursday of this week, the first since June of 2007. (A blue moon is a second full moon to occur in a calendar month.
Perhaps What Color Is Your Plate will be a bestselling sequel to the ever popular book What Color Is Your Parachute?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)