My Daniel

I belong to a women’s Bible/ study group that meets on Tuesday afternoons. Unofficially, our group is called Companions in Christ because that was the title of the first book we studied when the group formed three years ago. During its first two years, the group’s members ebbed and flowed a little. We now consist of five loyal companions who have been together, faithfully meeting, for nearly a year. During that time we have shared births and birthdays, weddings and anniversaries, illness and injuries, sadness and sorrows, joys and triumphs. We have grown to be a close-knit group that celebrates our diversity of spirit and comes together hand-in-hand to walk this journey as followers of Christ.

One thing that we all have in common is that we are mothers. With the exception of one, all of our children are college aged and beyond. All of us have raised daughters. I am the only one who does not have a son. Of the four who do have male offspring, three have sons named Daniel. I’m not sure what that really means, but it is certainly an interesting statistic.

At the end of each of our gatherings, and often woven through the discussions of our study, we share the incidents of our daily lives and our prayer concerns with one another. Yesterday I shared an experience that I had on Monday.

A representative group from Resounding Harmony sang for the “Service of Remembrance” at Children’s Medical Center here in Dallas. This service is an opportunity for the hospital staff - doctors, nurses, social workers, therapists - to grieve the loss of those children who have died in the past year. This year there were 212 little ones remembered.

Prayers were offered by the pastoral care team, poems were written and read by nurses, and amidst almost total silence, with the exception of a sniffle here and there, the name of each child flashed in a soft white script against a solid black screen. The sadness of this seemingly endless list of lost little ones was broken by quotes and pictures of flowers that were bursting forth with life.

Resounding Harmony sang three selections - “Through the Eyes of a Child”, “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother”, and “This is Why We Sing.” During our warm-up Russ Rieger, our director, warned us to look at him rather than those who had come to grieve because this was an incredibly emotional experience and it is very difficult to sing while crying. We all had our eyes fixated on Russ but it didn’t help much.

They lyrics of the songs become so much deeper when sung in this context. Glancing out at a sea of people who gave their all to save the lives of so many children who ultimately succumbed to death and singing the words, “Can you still see the world for all the good it has to give?” or “If I’m laden at all, I’m laden with sadness because all the world isn’t filled with the gladness of love.” will move almost anyone to tears. The pain and sorrow in that room yesterday were eased slightly in the lyrics of our last piece, a piece that aptly states the mission of Resounding Harmony, not only in the context of the Children’s Medical Center Remembrance service bur in each note we sing. “This is why we sing . . .soothe a soul, mend a heart, bring together lives that have been torn apart . . .this is why we sing, why we lift our voice, why we come together as one in harmony.” I pray that we were a part of soothing some souls on Monday.

Because the theme of the service had been seeds and flowers and life and growth, we were all asked to take with us a sachet of wildflower seeds. Each had the name of one of the 212 children on it. In planting those seeds, the memory of the child lives on. I took my seeds with me yesterday to show my companions at book study. On the attached tag it said, “Remember Daniel.” One of the group members quickly exclaimed, “You too have a Daniel!” . . .Why yes I do.

I do have a Daniel. I have never seen him or heard him or touched him. I have never fed him or calmed him or laughed with him. But I will hold him. I will forever hold him in my heart and in my prayers. When my seeds sprout and bloom I will imagine him as a boy alive, happy and carefree.

I will remember "My Daniel".

What I Want To Do On My Summer Vacation

I am beginning my second week “off.” As each semester comes to a close, I find myself making mental lists of all the things I want to do during my break. This process helps distract me from the mountain of tasks that emerge in the final weeks of the semester - final exams that need to be written, final exams that need to be graded, grades that need to be calculated, and spending time with those students who want to know if they can make up all of the homework that they didn’t have time to complete during the course of the semester but are confident that they have the means to finish it all in final fourteen hours of the semester.

Somehow I got it all done. Last week I found myself at home during the day with an opportunity to revisit my list of things I wanted to do on my break.

First on the list was to sleep later than the normal 6am school alarm time. This was a nice thought, but a little unrealistic. Though my brain may not be, my body is still on “school time.” I was wide awake at six o’clock - before the alarm clock even reared its ugly buzzer. I was awake, hungry, and in need of coffee. The dogs were also wide awake, hungry, and in need of going outside. Weber was awake, hungry and in need of going to school. Poor guy! So much for sleeping in. The consolation was that at least I did not have to be awake and dressed. I managed a second cup of coffee while still in my pajamas before heading for the shower. That made it feel like a break. I suspect that my internal clock will reset itself to the summer schedule about the time I begin teaching summer session in a few weeks.

Another item on my summer to-do list was to spend some lazy afternoons on the couch reading. My intended reading material includes magazines and a novel that I downloaded to my iPad - nothing cerebral at all. In fact, I have not even looked at the last week’s Chronicle of Higher Education! I have run into a slight glitch with the reading on the couch part of my plan. Sadly, I have discovered that we really don’t have a couch. What I thought to be a couch is apparently a rather expensive dog bed. Every time I grab my magazine and head for what I thought was our couch, I discover that that space is occupied by our canine housemates. Did you know that a ninety pound black lab can take up an entire sofa? I now know what the dogs do all day while we are at school. They spend the day sleeping on the couch and apparently they too are still on a school schedule. If I want to read I’ll have to find myself a comfy spot outside under a tree in the backyard. There is something way wrong with this scenario!

During this first week off I also wanted to wash things that don’t get washed regularly like curtains and bathroom rugs. Though first, I did our regular laundry. Well, almost. The last load was in the washer and the washer decided that it didn’t really like me being home because it had to work too hard; so, it went on strike. Actually it outright quit. After consultation with the higher-ups (the Sears repairman) we concluded that it was best to permanently terminate the current washing machine and replace with a new one. As i write this, the curtains and the bath rugs have not been washed, that last load of laundry begun several days ago is still resting soggily in a laundry basket and I am anxiously awaiting the delivery of our new washing machine. By the way, buying a new washing machine was quite an experience, an experience that deserves its own post. So, stay tuned!

Also on my list is to knit. I have not really done that either - a few rows but nothing measurable, literally. I am teaching a class and need to finish the sleeves of a sweater. Hopefully that will happen this week. Somehow it is hard to muster the enthusiasm to knit a wool sweater when it is 90 degrees outside with a 110% humidity! Oh well, this is one of those have to, not want to things. Working on the sweater is this week’s sole project - once we get the washing machine and I rewash the soggy load from last week. Hopefully I can convince the dogs to give me a corner of the couch so that I can knit. If not, there is still that shade tree in the backyard.

Seven days into my summer break I don’t seem to be doing very well with my vacation wish list. And I have not even thought about the things I have to do

• Memorize an hour and a half of music for a concert in two weeks
• Finish a commission composition
• Write my syllabi for my summer school classes
• Make travel arrangements for Offspring No. 1’s college graduation

This is beginning to sound not much like a break!

I’m off to work.

Happy Mother's Day

At least this mama gets to lay down while she's fixing dinner!
I took this photo back in October at the Texas State Fair. I have been waiting to find the perfect occasion to post it! Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day Card

For the past several weeks, the newspaper has been filled with articles and ads about how to celebrate Mother's Day - advertisers confident that they are selling "the perfect gift" that every mother wants and needs, deals on meals for those that want to keep mom out of the kitchen on her special day, and for the traditionalists, everyone from the city's finest florists to the local grocery stores all have a beautiful selections of flowers guaranteed to make every mom smile.

For me, Mother's Day is a non-celebration. I can't bring myself to call it a holiday. My mother died in 2006 so I no longer find myself in the card section of the store trying to find THE card, you know the one with that perfect sentiment. My kids are at the age where mom is more of a nuisance than something to be celebrated. (Why do I have to buy a card or a gift for someone who, despite the fact that I am eighteen or twenty-one, still nags me about studying for tests, cleaning up after myself, and taking my future seriously?)

Kids tend to forget that moms once were kids and had these very same feelings. So, I am willing to pull up my Big Mama panties and trust that they will realize someday that despite all my nagging and other faults, which they can enumerate on demand, there is no one on this planet who loves them more than I do.

I find myself this year wishing that I could send a Mother's Day card to a special woman whom I have never met, my husband's mother. Though she passed away long before he and I married almost a year ago, she has had a huge influence on my life. She raised her son to be a loving and responsible husband. She taught him the value of family. And, in her unique way, instilled in him a steadfast faith.

In many ways I feel like I know her very well. I have heard wonderful stories about her, seen pictures of her from when she was a child, read letters that she and Weber exchanged with one another during his one visit to summer camp and when he was away at college, and i live in the house that for many years she made home.

Though we are remodeling the house and now making it our home, she is still very much here with us - in her paintings that hang on the wall, the side table that sat by her chair, and the tin measuring cup that I used last night to pour rice. But most importantly, she is here in her son - in that sparkle in his eye when he talks of her tenacity, the tears of joy when he speaks of her love, and in the spirit with which he embraces life.

If I could send a card, I would have a tough time finding just the right one on the store racks. A generic Hallmark poem will not suffice here.

I wish I could say "thank you" to you face to face. I wish that I could look you in the eye and promise you that I will love your boy as much as you do. Since I can't, I will trust that you feel my love for you as we feel your continued love here with us.

Happy Mother's Day.

Is it OK to call you Mom?

To Sweat Or Not To Sweat

At some point in our lives we have all been told at least once “don’t sweat the small stuff.” This advice is usually offered by some well-meaning person who is trying to keep us from having some kind of emotional meltdown. I believe that I have even seen a series of books, in the self-help section of the bookstore, whose titles consist of these very words. Though this gem of wisdom seems to give comfort to many, I find myself wondering if it is really sound advice. I have been pondering this for several weeks. Why? Possibly because during this time nobody has uttered to me this very phrase in question. And that is probably a good thing

During my multi-week musings I have come to think that “Don’t sweat the small stuff” is really poor advice. It really is the small stuff that makes all the difference in most circumstances. In my mind, to not sweat the small things implies that we will happily settle for mediocrity. I suppose that for some this is perfectly acceptable: for me it is not.

Perhaps I am intrigued by this philosophical dilemma right now because much of what I have been doing for the past few weeks has been intensely focused in what on the surface seems to be “the small stuff”

A few Fridays ago my task for the day was to write a very short piece, by short I mean somewhere between a minute and a minute and ten seconds, for one of my colleagues. I spent roughly six hours working on this piece. If you want to do the math, that computes to about one hour of work for every ten seconds of music. Do you find yourself wondering how this can possibly be? This is how. Getting the creative juices flowing is not what takes the time. Luckily on this particular day the raw ideas came quickly. It is sweating the small stuff that takes a composition from simply a sketch or a draft to a piece of art. Should that note be a half note or a quarter note followed by a quarter rest? Maybe that part should have an F# instead of an F natural. Is the best tempo 90 beats per minute or 96? Sometimes it is literally the small stuff that consumes a disproportionate amount of time: should I use a dotted rhythm or equal note values. That little dot can make all the difference. Taking the time to consider, or perhaps obsess, over these seemingly minute details is ultimately what made this particular piece not just an OK piece of music but something that I was proud to say that I had written

Here is another real-life example. I am currently teaching a knitting class on how to make a particular sweater pattern. Without going into a lot of unnecessary detail, suffice it to say that to make a knitted garment fit properly, you have to knit to the appropriate gauge. Let’s say that you want to make a sweater that is 40’ at the chest. The pattern calls for a gauge of 4 stitches to the inch. Therefore your sweater will consist of 160 stitches. What if your gauge is almost 4 stitches to the inch, but not quite? Maybe it is just a tiny bit off, as in 4 ¼ stitches to the inch. A gauge that is only off by a quarter of an inch surely isn’t going to make that much of a difference, right? Wrong! In this case, your sweater will be nearly three inches smaller than you want it tobe. We all know that when it comes to the fit of clothing, three inches is not “the small stuff.

One more example – this time about literally sweating. Despite the fact that it is barely the middle of April, we have already seen temperatures above 90 degrees here in Texas. Thinking it ridiculous to turn on the air conditioner “so early” we opted to start the cooling process by making sure that all of the ceiling fans were turning in the “right” direction – the direction that pulls the cool air up rather than pushing the hot air down as is the case during the winter months. The problem was that we were not 100% sure which direction accomplished which goal. To further confound us, when we went to the Internet to solve our problem we found contradicting information. One source said the fans should run counter-clockwise in the summer and another said they should run clockwise. Obviously someone was mistaken. Nope. They were both correct. The clarity comes again in the small stuff. The crucial little detail here is whether you are looking up at the fan or looking down on it. In the summertime, if you look up at a ceiling fan it should be moving in a counter-clockwise direction. If you are looking down on it, it is moving clockwise. This small detail literally makes the difference between sweating and not.

Despite the examples I have given here I am sure there are cases where the small stuff really doesn’t matter. In the big scheme of things it probably doesn’t matter if one of your socks has a hole in the sole or even if your socks don’t match. It probably doesn’t matter if you eat the last few spoonfuls of yogurt the day after the “Best if used by” date. Whether you pay $3.78 or $3.79 a gallon for gas is a much bigger deal in principle than it really is to our pocketbooks.

It all comes down to what is important to each of us as individuals. If it’s important to you, sweat it no matter how big or how small.

A Prayer for Japan

Creation, Devastation, Restoration; A Prayer for Japan

Loving God,

In the beginning, You created

the heavens and the earth,

light to separate the darkness,

sky to divide the waters above and below,

and dry land to set apart the lower waters.

On the dry land You created flowers and trees with seeds to bear life and fruit.

In the sky You placed lights to illumine the darkness

and to nourish the seeds of the earth.

You then filled the sky with birds

and the waters with fish and whales

and all kinds of things that live under the water.

On the dry land you created cattle and pigs,

bugs and butterflies,

spiders and snakes,

- animals of all kinds.

And then you made Man - humanity, my brothers and sisters.

With each new thing, You looked and saw that it was good.

Yesterday, in Japan,

the heaven’s cried out,

the earth shook,

darkness filled the sky,

the seas and the dry land no longer were separated,

t he seeds of the earth, the animals, and humanity were all under the water.

Good was hard to see.

As ones made in Your own image, O God,

Help us breathe new life into the land and peoples of Japan.

Create in us strength to help bear the burden of our brothers’ and sisters’ darkness

and compassion such that we can bring light again into their world,

Create in us knowledge to help our neighbors separate the waters from the dry land

and give us wisdom to help restore life in both,

Create in us giving hearts so that we can restore the land of Japan

with plants and animals to nourish its people,

homes to protect them,

and livelihoods to sustain them.

Create in us the courage to do all that we are called to do.

And, Gracious God, create in us love and faith

that, in the end, are strong enough to look around and see

that all is good.

Amen.

- Kris Elliott Baker, March 2011

Random Thoughts for Today

1. Time flies when you’re busy . . . and when you’re not.

Spring break is over and we are back in school. I’m not sure where the week went. Unlike past years, Spring Break was uneventful; unless, you consider taking animals to the vet for their shots, doing your taxes, shelving books and getting rid of clothing that doesn’t fit anymore eventful. Still that doesn’t seem like a week’s worth of time spent. As a friend pointed out (*See No. 2 below), I didn’t even write a blog post.

2. I have some great friends! All kinds and I treasure them all.

I like the one’s who remind me that I have not written a blog post since February 24^th. I like the ones we shared a vegan dinner with. I like the one’s who felt comfortable asking us to pick them up from a scary doctor’s appointment. I like the one’s who wanted to come spend the weekend with us even though we only have a toaster oven and a microwave with which to cook and we have only partially finished bathrooms. We do however have real beds with clean linens and everything! *See No. 3 below.

3. 3. A home without pets is a home without fur. I mean, it is a home without lots of love and entertainment.

Do you know how much hair a furminator removes from a black lab? It removes enough to make nine more black labs – at least that’s what the blob of fur blowing across the yard looks like. We regularly furminated the dog to keep the real linens real clean. FYI We did not furminate the cat. White fur is quite striking on a teal bedspread. While we are on the topic of fur removal, I figured out how I can vacuum the whole house by only having to plug the vacuum cleaner into only two different plugs. And, no more stairs!

4. 4. It is amazing what you can cook with only a toaster oven and a microwave.

I am addicted to angel food cake with berries on top. You can cook an angel food cake in a toaster over, at least you can in the one we have (It’s a Breville, in case you care.), if you don’t use quite all the batter. Angel food cakes rise a lot. Microwaves are good for steamed vegetables but not as good for oatmeal. I miss oatmeal, the really good rough cut oatmeal that doesn’t have the word “instant” on it’s packaging anywhere. The kind that is chewy and you can feel all the individual oats. Did I mention that you can cook some really good stuff in a toaster oven? But not oatmeal.

5. 5. Dogs barking at the bathtub in the middle of the night is never a good thing.

We all enjoyed sleeping in over Spring Break. We went to bed last night dreading the 6am alarm this morning. Knowing that, the canine alarm went off at 5 am in an effort to spare us the 6 am misery. The problem with the canine alarm is that the snooze button wouldn’t work. I finally got up to see what the problem was. Harley was in the hall bathroom barking fiercely at the bathtub. The kitten then joined the defensive maneuvers and perched herself in the bathtub. During a lull in the barking, we discovered the enemy. Well, sort of. There was a scratching sound inside the tub. Not the inside we could see, but the inside like underneath. It sounded like something big. Or maybe the inside of bathtubs just echo a lot. I opted to leave the canine and feline army on duty and go back to bed trusting that they would protect us from any vermin or varmints that dared to emerge beyond the confines of the underside of the bathtub. As of this writing, all is clear.

6. 6. Making music with people is about the best feeling in the world.

I love singing with Resounding Harmony. We had rehearsal last night. I had a nasty cold last night. (I have it tonight too.) I had a terrible sore throat and no voice to speak of but I wanted to be at rehearsal. I sat in the back on a row almost by myself and pretended like a descent sound might come out of my mouth. It didn’t but I was happy to be there anyway with people who love to song and love each other – the each others in that room and the each others for whom we sing.

7. 7. Spring colds, well, they just plain suck.

Enough said.

8. 8. Spring, on the other hand, is beautiful.

It has been in the eighties around here lately. The birds are singing. The flowers are blooming. Our yard is full of bunnies and squirrels and ducks. As I walked home today I reveled in the beauty of creation. And, I prayed for those in Japan who are surrounded by devastation.

9. 9. It took me 22 minutes and 30 seconds to walk home from school today.

Now that we have moved, I can walk home in one-third the time it took us to drive home before. I get some exercise. And, we are saving a ton of money on gas. The fuel cost for my commute was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich once I got home.

10. 10. Never underestimate the power of a hug from someone who loves you very much.

Spring colds suck but a nice warm hug makes me feel a whole lot better!