The Writer Revealed

It is always risky to share poetry but, what the heck!


THE WRITER

I am
The writer
Whose words
Labor
To make sense
For me,
Maybe you,
Of the quirkiness of life.
Possibility exists
For everything, for nothing,
Born and reborn in innocent hope
In my words
That are labor to me,
The writer,
I ask, "Why?"

All Dressed Down and Off to Wal-Mart

I had a plan for today. I set out to clean out my closet. Amazingly, I accomplished my goal. After only a few hours, I have neat drawers, thinned out hanging clothes, and more bags than I care to mention to go to Goodwill. I feel good about my progress but I am embarrassed by the numbers of things that I gave away and still I think that I have too much. I realized that all I really wanted to keep was my jeans, several of my favorite T-shirts, and 2 or 3 over sized button down shirts for times when it gets cold. Okay there are also the three sweaters that I have finished and the obligatory socks and underwear. If this were all I ever had to wear (and launder) I would be blissfully happy. Unfortunately, I had to keep some of the stuff I don't like to wear - those dress pants and blouses (not shirts) that make me look "professional" for those times when I have to look the part of a respectable professor, the funeral attire, a skirt because every woman needs just one, and a fancy dress in case I ever get the urge to play dress up. Most of these things I will never wear but I have to keep them just in case. And, these things that I don't like to wear also require peripherals - proper foundation garments and appropriate shoes. Frankly, if it can't be worn with tennis shoes or Birkenstocks, you should not be wearing it!

The point of all this is that I have a clean closet. This is something that I have been trying to do since Christmas break and I have not had the time (or possibly the inclination) to tackle until today. As Erin would say, "Gold star for me!"

ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT NOTE
I ran in to Wal-Mart today to buy an umbrella. This was to assure everyone that the severe thunderstorms we were having at 4:00 would be passed by the 5:30 soccer games. It worked. I now have a virgin umbrella. As I made my way to the checkout stand, I noticed on one of those strategically placed displays intended to make you succumb to impulse buying, what looked like a new kind of Pop-Tarts. As I looked closer, indeed it was. The new "Trivial Pursuit Pop-Tarts". I am sure you are wondering what in the heck I am talking about. These are toaster pastries with trivial pursuit type questions stamped on the frosting. And we wonder why American youth are overweight - and stupid! How ridiculous is it that our society is sp desperate to teach children something that we have stooped to using Pop-Tarts to educate them? This does raise some interesting questions:
How many Pop-Tarts do you have to eat to score well on the SAT?

If you eat your cheat sheet can the teacher prove that you were cheating?

Are the questions on the strawberry ones more difficult than those on the brown sugar cinnamon ones?

Do you win when you have eaten all the Pop-Tarts in the box correctly?

Were the marketers who came up with this ludicrous idea educated in a similar manner?

The consumer world never ceases to amaze me!

Time Is All Relative Anyway

I just returned from a two-day trip to Austin - some work and some much needed relaxation. I did a little shopping, ate too much good food, and spent time with friends. The sad thing about the time with friends part is that it was friends from Dallas! We have not been able to find/make the time to get together at home to celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, and two birthdays. So, we decided to do it while we were all in Austin. As we were catching up and opening gifts, we all decided that celebrating this way was not so bad. Our time with each other was not carved out of an overbooked holiday season. We were able to actually enjoy the company of one another. We met at the Magnolia Cafe, a place that none of us had been before. Hence, a little mystery was added to the evening. The pancakes are great! It has been nearly 48 hours and I can tell you what I was given as gifts. I guarantee this would not be the case if we had celebrated during "THE holiday season." Being able to enjoy every facet of the evening we shared was a gift in itself. This is how traditions are born. We may celebrate our holidays again in March next year too!

What else did I do in Austin?
I have almost finished my Betina Jacket out of Noro Silk Garden. (Stay tuned for pictures.)

I finished the knitting on my Booga Bag. However, it is difficult to find a hotel room equipped with a washing machine. So, it is not felted yet. That will happen in the next day or two.

I also visited my favorite bookstores - Book People and Bookwoman. I bought:
The Spirit of Silence; Making space for creativity by John Lane

Morning Food by Margaret S. Fox (This is a cookbook of breakfast and brunch foods. I made the Ole Souffle for dinner tonight. It was pretty good. I am anxious to try some of the coffee cake and bread recipes.

The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life by Martha Beck

Faith and Feminism: A Holy Alliance For Spirited and Spiritual Women Throughout History by Helen LaKelly Hunt

Secret Leopard poetry by Rosemary Nissen-Wade

This week is spring break. I may actually get some of these books read! I do have to clean my closet first. New books are a great incentive plan.

We also stopped at a new yarn shop, Bluebonnet Yarn Shoppe, north of Austin. Believe it or not, this was the work part. They were very interested in Spirit of Knitting. Yeah! Of course it would have been rude to go in there only to hock our goods so I did the polite thing and bought some yarn - a few skeins of cheerful Kureyon (in case I need to make another Booga Bag), a ball of Tofutsie sock yarn, and a few patterns. I showed a great deal of restraint, I think.

I spent an entire weekend doing exactly what I wanted to do. I had time with friends, time with books, and time with yarn. I found Nirvana! I realize at this moment it is temporary. But I am blessed to have had a glimpse of it. With the hope of another 48 hours like the past, I can greet the normal daily grind with a smile on my face.

And then there was this daylight savings time thing. In my journey to Nirvana, I did not even miss the hour that magically disappeared. What time is it anyway?

What If . . .The Internet

As part of a casual conversation on the way home from school yesterday, my oldest daughter announced that she was learning Romanian. She allowed that since Romanian is similar to Latin, and she has studied Latin for five years, this new skill should not be too difficult. When I inquired as to how she was learning Romanian, the answer was, "the Internet."

I wonder how my life might have been different if I had had access to the Internet as a teenager. Would I have discovered that I have talents and abilities outside of music? Would I have stumbled onto some little niche job that incorporated all of my quirky interests? Would I have found a college that better suited my learning goals? Who knows. All I know is that the world is whole different place for teenagers now than it was nearly 30 years ago when I graduated from high school.

Teens now have what seems like an infinite amount of information literally at their fingertips. Any interest that they might have can be explored on the Internet. Before the Internet, how would one go about studying Romanian? You would have to find a teacher, find time, ad find money to pay them. And, how much of these things would you have to exhaust to discover whether or not you had a knack for languages?

The Internet offers diagnostics for everything from are you overweight to would you make a good CIA agent. I realize that many of these sites are not "official" but even in an unofficial capacity, learning happens. We all have access to information on anything that we can dream about. Everything becomes real. I think that the most fascinating part of the information superhighway is the ability to find information that may spark an interest that can then be pursued in a more traditional manner, like college.

I am not naive; I do know that all that resides on the Internet is not good, But then, all that is on the shelves of the public library is not good either. How we choose to use the Internet is like all the choices we make in life - you can choose the right way or the wrong way. It is OUR choice.

So, I sit wondering what I would be doing now if I had been surfing the net back then as I do now. Maybe the only thing difference would be that I would be responsible for taking up a whole lot more server space with pointless blog entries . Who knows . . .

Those Who Can, Do. Those Who Can't, Yell.

It is Tuesday night so I have been at high school soccer games - girl's soccer. Though soccer certainly does not generate the crowds that football does, the fans are every bit as enthusiastic and vocal. It seems that these few hours each week are a cheap version of therapy for some. All of their adult frustrations are released by yelling at referees and all of their unrealized childhood dreams somehow come true by yelling at players on the field.

As the girls' T-shirts say, "No helmets, No pads, No Timeouts - Soccer". Soccer is two 40 minute halves of non-stop running, pushing, kicking, sliding, and downright rough ball playing. It makes me laugh to hear the middle-aged, overweight fans yelling at the girls to "run faster!" Most of them could not run from one end of the field to the other much less do it for 40 minutes. And, the kids make scoring a goal look much easier than it really is. It would be interesting to see how many fans could score a goal from outside the 18 even with an unprotected goal, forget one that is being tended. Why do the fans think that it is acceptable to yell at the girls when they miss a shot, misdirect a ball or, God forbid, make a mistake? These players are human beings - most of them children. Maybe before each soccer season begins, the parents should have to play a game against the girls. Or, better yet, the parents against the parents from another school and the kids can sit in the stands and critique every move giving particular emphasis to mistakes. I bet that would change the atmosphere in the stands.

And what is it about some parents who think that because they didn't or couldn't do something when they were in high school that their kids are going to do it and they, as adults now are going to somehow be fulfilled?. And not only are they going to do "it", they are going to be the best at it.

I don't want to live vicariously through my children. I am not dead yet. I still have dreams of my own. And, believe it or not, I still have the means to accomplish them in my own life - not through the lives of my children. My girls also have dreams and aspirations. Granted these include tattoos and pick-up trucks, but it is their life. My job is to guide and support them as best I can. And, during soccer games it is my job to wash their uniforms and sit in the stands a cheer FOR them. And, be grateful that I am not the one running for 80 minutes or defending a goal from balls being fired at me like bullets on a battlefield.

We can not walk or live in someone else's shoes. The only comfortable shoes are your own. Find the best fit and go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Thank you Henry David!

I Got That Helium Feeling

It is not often that I have the "helium feeling". The helium feeling is when I feel like a balloon that has just been released, not escaped but released, from someone's hand and am free to float wherever the metaphorical wind happens to carry me. Translation: there is nothing that has to be done right now. Oh, I have a TO DO List, but none of the deadlines are tomorrow. Better yet, none of them were yesterday. This may sound like a strange feeling to be excited about but it is so rare that I do not have some task looming overhead. I am not sure why I find myself always working deadline to deadline. For the most part, I am not a procrastinator. Writing is the only thing that I feel that I do best under pressure. Don't ask me why. Maybe my muse masquerades as pressure.

So, what shall I do? I can read. I can knit. I can surf the web. I can play games. I can stare aimlessly in to space. I can play with the dogs. It really doesn't matter what I do. The point is that I can do whatever I want to right now. I do not have too many evenings like this. I guess that is why I am struck by this feeling. Here I sit writing about it rather than doing something with my free time. Oh, maybe this is what I want to be doing. It is always eyeopening to me to watch how I spend my time. If I can look at myself as if I am a spectator in my own life, I learn much about who I am. Right now, I feel like if my whole life were spent with the helium feeling, I would write more and hopefully much better! But, on most days, I am not the helium balloon; I am the balloon who has popped and left pieces strewn across the path. That's OK too. There are lessons to be learned in whatever state I happen to find myself.

POP! The soccer uniforms have to be washed right now for games tomorrow night. One should not have too much of a good thing. Wait! There is that cliche thing again - possibly misstated. Maybe that makes it an original thought.
Hmmm . . .And, how do we know if a clam is happy? Does a clam get that helium feeling?

Cliches, I Can't Live With Them and I Can't Live Without Them

I must begin by saying that I really hate cliches. They are an unoriginal way to express original thoughts. Having said this however, I am going to annoy myself and say that in the last few days I have been struck by the notion that enormous gifts really do come in small packages. The package that I speak of is the tiny puppy we found abandoned a few weeks ago.

Harley is sweet, funny, cuddly, and quite bright. She also chews, bites with those sharp puppy teeth and has accidents in the house. The gifts she has given me far exceed the expected joys of raising a new puppy.

I must admit that when I decided to bring her home on that very cold Thursday, I was not looking forward to house training and all the other lessons that must be taught to a young canine. I was especially dreading the interrupted sleep that comes from middle-of-the-night trips outside and the crying that may come from being in a new environment. I have been pleasantly surprised on all accounts.

The first night we had Harley, she slept the entire night (my entire night which is midnight to 5:45 am) curled up in the crook of my arm. She did not wiggle, cry or wake to go outside. No accidents either! She and Adidas (our 2 year old lab) get along wonderfully. He takes his role as a big brother seriously. Now Harley spends a big part of her nights curled up against him. They share toys and bones and Adidas is getting better about sharing me. It is amazing to watch the bond between two animals grow and solidify. As I write this, they are sound to sleep-both in Adidas' bed under my desk. (The camera is never handy when I need it!)

Just like babies, when a puppy needs something, she need it right then, which will often be an incredibly inconvenient moment to the owner. I have found these moments to be the greatest blessings of all. I am forced to take an unscheduled break from work to take the dog out every few hours. While outside, I smile as she frolics in the emerging spring grass. I share her simple pleasure as she chases a blowing leaf, maybe for the first time, across the yard. I am reminded just how beautiful and refreshing the outdoors really is. A few minutes sitting outside quickly brings new energy to the staleness of the day's routine.

I am also grateful to my friends that had a "Puppy Shower" for us the other day. Harley received treats, toys, a bed, and a hand knit sweater! I feel a little guilty that many babies do not enter this world with as much. Though the presents are great, it is the support of friends that is truly the gift. Adidas thinks it is a good deal too. Everybody acknowledged that new big brothers need something a little special as well. He loves his "big boy bones" and Oreo cookies.

This is getting too sappy for me! I think I will sit for a few moments in my chair and say thank-you for all that I have been given. And, revel in the truth that I am as happy as a clam!