The Benefits Of A College Education

Back in September, when we sent Offspring No. 1 to college, you may remember that I wished that for the incredible amount of money we are paying them to keep her that they would teach her to use a telephone. I am pleased to say that we are getting our money's worth. The kid has probably used her phone more in the last six weeks than she has in the last six years.

I have received the typical college freshman pleas for care packages of food because the dorm food sucks. Then there was the call asking if it was OK to buy a wool coat. You may remember also the whole coat ordeal before she left. I calmly asked, "Why do you need a coat?" The reply came, "It is not too cold, but it sure is windy here." Hmmm . . .Chicago . . .the windy city. Maybe we aren't getting our money's worth.

Brooke's Fairy Godmother, who also happens to be Cinderella's Fairy Godmother, took pity on her chilly little soul and made her a pair of wool wrist warmers. Brooke called to say that they had arrived and were way cool. Yeah for the telephone! She then called the next day to say that her friend thought they were cool too. And, she (friend) would like a pair in yellow and orange. Perhaps giving her our phone numbers wasn't such a good thing. Brooke then called to say that the second pair of wrist warmers had arrived and that two more friends really liked them. Would we please now send a black pair and a red pair. Is it bad to pray that the kid's cell phone battery dies and that her charger miraculously disappears? I guess it could be worse. She could be asking for hundred dollar bills instead of wrist warmers.

Yesterday she called to share her observations about all the T-shirts that she has seen on campus.

• "University of Chicago . . .where the squirrels are prettier than the girls and more aggressive than the boys."
• "If you had wanted an A you should have gone to Harvard"
• "Beat me. Spank me. Make me read the Iliad."
• "University of Chicago . . .where the only thing that goes down on you is your GPA."

Yep, I do believe she is getting a good education!

I am glad that she calls and truth to tell, she has been fairly communicative. In addition to the T-shirt run down, she has also shared what is going on her classes. She has decided that she hates Plato and likes Russian. Chemistry is kicking her butt and her writing is improving. Intramural soccer is fun but dodge ball is better. And, you should not date anyone in your dorm. That is known as "dormcest".

Brooke's conversations with her sister have been a bit more juicy. She is calling Erin for boy advice. What is wrong with this picture? I think they have also discussed the tattoo design that Brooke thinks she is getting when she turns 18 next month.

Why did I ever encourage this phone thing?